Monday was proving to be quite a slow day. Equity and currency markets
weren’t moving very much, future predictions were all set to current;
even the usually fast paced fund and commodity deal screens bore a
striking similarity to a star trek fan driving at 25 mph – slow and
boring (1).
Short of sending the resident desk chimpanzee Cornish to go invest in
$2m worth of lottery tickets, my unique high risk low return strategy
had no hope of implementation (2).
It was just after a delightfully long lunch of red bull,
chocolate and chips that I accidentally pointed my browser to the
marine underwriting screen. I’d always tended to steer away from this
in the past, the use of marine suggests that they’ll be some awful tree
hugging or bird watching (3) or something. Besides, underwriting is a
dreadfully long word.
Anyway, it turns out that it’s actually all about boats and
not in fact a fish-linked-commodity. I moved to come off this screen,
as boats struck me as shamelessly simple (unlike those wonderful CDOs
everyone has been raving about on the phone recently-they sound so
clever!) It was at this point that the James Bond wannabe that had been
loafing about on his 8th coffee break of the afternoon, felt the urge
to trip over my mouse.
In between berating “Bond” for his incompetence, howling at IT to hurry
up and taking large bites out of chimps pastries (4) I decided I may as
well buy a boat with my excessively large bonus (5).
Turns out, this “underwriting” malarkey is in fact stupid people who
offer to give me money, if in return I pay them if their boat has an
accident. Morons - if their boat sinks how are they possibly going to
collect their money? (6)
I robbed a couple of people of their hard earned coin and pondered the
state of society where humans as idiotic as that can exist. Honestly,
buying and selling products you don’t truly understand….
Until next time,
Maverick (7)
Update: Can’t talk for long, need to call my travel agent.
There’s an email about their $205m supertanker (8) falling foul of
pirates (9) or something.
There must have been a mix up with their booking as I’m flying, not
going by boat (however super it may be). From the header it looks like
they’d even got the location wrong. Halfwits, simply halfwits. I’m off
now, hopefully chimp won’t mess things up in my absence. I’m not sure
why he’s been smiling so much today, perhaps he saw my genius with the
marine underwriting and hopes to copy it. Ah well, at least I can say I
saw it first.
(1): Unless of course they’re driving a tank. Then they are
most certainly not boring-I-didn’t-mean-to-take
–your-lunch-money-please-don’t-hurt-me-I-won’t-do-it-again.
(2): Or success really
(3): But with fish
(4): So thoughtful that guy, always leaving out food on his desk for me
(5): Well I’m sure it will be. I can always give the boat back in the unlikely event there’s a recession or credit crisis….
(6): Send a loan shark?
(7): Because it makes me seem “cool”
(8): The HM leaking bathtub
(9): Arrrrrrrrrrrr! That do be a CMO in AAA clothing.
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